Here are 100 jokes!

Joke #1
Person 1 says: I broke a record today!
Person 2 says: Really? I thought that you could only break vases and your mom's favourite pottery that she has had for decades and that you are fed up of!



Joke #2


Question: What did the man say when he walked into a bar?

Answer: Ouch!!!


Joke #3


Question: What did the policeman say to his belly?

Answer: You are under a vest!


Joke #4


Question: Why did the dog cross the road?

Answer: To get to the shops, do you find that funny?

Answer: The dog din't either because the shop was closed.


Joke #5


Question: Doctor, doctor, how do I stop my nose from running?

Answer: Run after it!


Joke #6


Question: Who works at MI5 on christmas day?

Answer: Mince spies?


Joke #7


Question: Who was the first underwater spy?

Answer: James Pond!


Joke #8


Question: How much did the pirate pay for his wooden leg and featsome hook?

Answer: An arm and a leg


Joke #9


Question: Why did the robber have a bath before he robbed the bank?

Answer: Because he wanted to get a clean get away!


Joke #10


Question: What do you call a bird that floats on the sea surface?




Joke #11


Question: What lies at the bottom of the sea and shakes?

Answer: A nervous wreck!


Joke #12


Question: What did the sea say to the boat?

Answer: Nothing, it just waved.


Joke #13


Question: What did the ground say to the earthquake?

Answer: You crack me up


Joke #14


Question: What is a snake's favourite subject?

Answer: Hisssstory!!!


Joke #15


Question: Why was the snake good at maths?

Answer: It was an adder!


Joke #16


Question: What goes zzub zzub?

Answer: A bee flying backwards


Joke #17


Question: What did the elavator say to the other elevator?

Answer: I think i'm coming down with something!


Joke #18


Question: What type of shoes do frogs like?

Answer: Open-toad shoes!


Joke #19


Question: What can people always count on?

Answer: Their fingers!


Joke #20


Question: Why can't you play cards in a jungle?

Answer: There are too many cheetahs around!


Joke #21


Question: What gets wetter the more it dries?

Answer: A towel!


Joke #22


Question: How do you count cows?

Answer: Using a cow-culator!


Joke #23


Person 1: Knock knock

Person 2: Who's there?

Person 1: Catch

Person 2: Catch who?

Person 1: Catch me if you can!


Joke #24


Person 1: Knock knock

Person 2: Who's there?

Person 1: I need a p...

Person 2: I need a p-who!

Person 1: You should go to the toilet then!


Joke #25


Question: What does a policeman listen to while he's on the beat?

Answer: An uplod


Joke #26


Question: Why was everyone really tired on 1st April?

Answer: They had just finished a march of 31 days!


Joke #27


Person 1: Knock knock

Person 2: Who's there?

Person 1: Boo

Person 2: Boo who?

Person 1: It was only meant to be a joke!


Joke #28


Question: What colour is a burp?

Answer: Burple!


Joke #29


Question: What kind of dance do you do on a trampoline?

Answer: Hip-hop!


Joke #30


Question: Why did Tigger look inside the toilet?

Answer: He couldn't find Pooh!

Tigger_n_pooh.jpg Baby Tigger image by Idania1718


Joke #31


Question: Where do horses live?

Answer: In neigh-borhoods?


Joke #32


Question: What's black and white and red all over

Answer: A zebra with a rash


Joke #33


Question: What's black and white and red all over?

Answer: A penguin with sunburn.


Joke #34


Question: Why did the man freeze his money?

Answer: He wanted cold, hard cash!


Joke #35


Question: What weighs 6 tons and wears glass slippers?

Answer: Cinder-elephant!


Joke #36


Question: What kind of bow can't you tie?

Answer: A rainbow!


Joke #37


Question: What do you call a boomerang that dosen't come back?

Answer: A stick


Joke #38


Question: Why did the baseball player goto jail?

Answer: He stole second base!


Joke #39


Question: What did one volcano say to the other?

Answer: I lava you!


Joke #40


Question: What penalty do you need a credit card for in hockey?




Joke #41


Question: Why was the belt arrested?

Answer: Because it held up some pants!


Joke #42


Question: What do you call a space magician?

Answer: A flying saurcerer!


Joke #43


Question: What do you call a lazy kangaroo?

Answer: A pouch potato!


Joke #44


Question: Why did the movie star goto the river?

Answer: She wanted to give out some otter-graphs!


Joke #45


Question: What is the best smelling position on a football team?

Answer: Right Guard!


Joke #46


Question: What do trees drink?

Answer: Root beer


Joke #47


Question: Why don't grasshoppers goto baseball games?

Answer: They prefer cricket!


Joke #48


Question: What happens when dogs come in from the snow?

Answer: They become slush puppies!


Joke #49


Question: What animal is best at hitting a ball?

Answer: A bat!


Joke #50


Question: How do you fix a car in Scotland?

Answer: With Scotch tape!



Joke #51


Question: What kind of fur do you get from a werewolf?

Answer: As far as you can get!


Joke #52


Question: What is a mosquito's favourite sport?

Answer: Skin diving


Joke #53


Question: Why did the crocodile take the stairs?

Answer: It missed the ele-gator


Joke #54


Question: Why are hairdressers fast drivers?

Answer: Because they know all of the shortcuts!


Joke #55


Question: Why do vampires use breath freshener?

Answer: Because they have bat breath!


Joke #56


Question: What do you call a surgeon with eight arms?

Answer: A doctopus!


Joke #57


Question: What do you get when an elephant sneezes?

Answer: Out of the way


Joke #58


Question: What did the duck say to the cashier?

Answer: Just put it on my bill


Joke #59


Question: What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?

Answer: Frostbite!


Joke #60


Question: Have you heard the joke about the butter?

Answer: I won't tell you! You might spread it



Joke #61


Question: What can you use to make cats fly?

Answer: A cat-apult!


Joke #62


Question: Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Answer: Because 7-8-9 (seven ate nine)


Joke #63


Question:what's a sharks favourate game?

Answer: Bite  and Seek.


Joke: #64

Question: What did the ghost say to the other?

Answer: Get a life , dude!


Joke  #65

Question: Why didn't the skeleton go swimming?

Answer: Because he  had nobody (no body ) to go with.


Joke #66

Question:Why did the cannibal go to the wedding reception?

Answer: So he could toast the happy couple!


Joke:  #67

Question: What did the monster say to a human fast asleep in his bed?

Answer: Mmmmm! Breakfast in bed.


Joke #68

Question:  How do you get breakfast in bed first?

Answer: Sleep in the kitchen!


Joke #69

Question: What do you call an anxious dinosour?

Answer: A nervous rex.


Joke #70

Person 1: Doctor , Doctor  there's something terribly wrong with my throat. What should I do?

Person 2: I know what to do , go over there and stick your tounge out the window.

Person 1: Will this help?

Person 2: No I just hate my neighbours.


Joke #71

Question: What's the worst vegetable to have on a boat?

Answer: A leek.



Person 1:Knock  Knock

Person 2:Who's there?

Person 1:Doctor

Person 2:Doctor who?

Persson 1: You just said it you spoil sport!


Joke #73

Person 1:  Did you know my mom  died her hair yesterday?

Person 2:Really?

Person 1: Yes were all very sad about it.


Joke #74

Question: What did Snow White say whilst she was waiting for her papers to print?

Answer: ( One day my prints will come !)


Joke #75

Question: What happened when a icicle landed on my dad?

Answer: It knocked him out cold.


Joke #76

Question: How do snowmen get to work?

Answer:  By icicle ( Bicycle )


Joke #77

Question: Why are soldiers so tired on April 1st?

Answer:  They've just completed a 31 day march ( March )

Joke #78

Question: What sort of star is dangerous?

Answer: A shooting star.

Joke #79

Person 1: My teacher said if I have 10 oranges in one hand and 7 in the other what will I have?

Person 2: Big hands!

Joke #80

Question: Why shouldn't you believe a person in bed?

Answer: Because he/she's lying.

Joke #81

Question: What did the cake say to the knife?

Answer: You wanna a piece of me?!

Joke #82

Question: What do Italian ghosts eat?

Answer: Spook-ghetti.

Joke #83

Question: What's  yellow and stupid?

 Answer: Thick custard.

Joke #84

Question: What's the wettest animal in the world?

Answer: A Rain -deer.

Joke #85

Question: What did the toilet say to the other?

Answer: You look a bit flushed.

Joke #86

Question: What do you call a fairy who hasn't taken a bath?

Answer: Stinkerbell.

Joke #87

Question:  When is cricket a crime?

Answer: When there's a hit and run.

Joke #88

Question:What do joggers do when they forget something?

Answer: They jog their memory.

Joke #89

Question: How do you make a witch itch?

Answer: Take away the W.

Joke #90

Person 1: Knock knock

Person 2: Who's there?

Person 1: Leave

Person 2: Leave who?

Person 1: Leave me alone!

Joke #91

What do you get when you cross Santa Clause and a Pirate?

Yo Ho Ho!

Joke #92

Question:Where did the fish go on hoilday?


Joke #93

Question:Why did the fish leave the sea?

Answer:Because they were filming the movie "Jaws" round where he lived

Joke #94                                               


Person 1:who's there?                           

Person 2:me                               

Person 1:me who?

Person 2:ME , NOW OPEN THE DOOR !!!


Joke #95

Person 1:Is that poo on your sandwich?

Person 2:I thought it was chocolate spread!

Joke #96

Bart Simpson:Eat my shorts!


Bart Simpson:NOT LITERALLY!!!

Joke #97

Question:Why should you never go near a radiator?

Answer:If it is on it there could be a snake inside!

Joke # 98

Person 1:Doctor,doctor i'm miserible

person 2:Here have some laughing gas

Person 1:Ha ha ha ha ha...e.c.t

Person 3:Mom's DEAD!!!

Person 1:Ha ha ha ha...

Person 3:It's not funny!!!

Joke #99

Question:Why did the Nurse take a red marker to the hospital?

Answer:Incase she had to draw blood

Joke #100

Person 1:Were having your Nan for dinner today

Person 2:Can't we have Chicken instead?!























Make a Free Website with Yola.